Fashion is a platform and your outfit hangs on your identity.

Typically, when I open my closet to choose an outfit, I’m thinking about the events that are going to unfold throughout the day. Whether I’m going for coffee, at the office, hitting the gym, or going to dinner, my mindset is focused on the activity rather than the mood I’m in. Sandra Teixeira, a fashion psychologist, says “No.” We  may not consciously recognize the role that our mood plays, but it is there, ever-present in the things we buy and the way that we wear it.

Our very own Taija Thomas had the opportunity to shop with Sandra and was completely blown away by the experience. Sandra began by asking how she felt. Which is not typically a question we ask ourselves when we’re shopping. We assume that what we buy is a reflection of who we are, but what Sandra wants us to recognize is: if we go into a shopping experience with a negative outlook on who or where we are in life, our subconscious mind will reflect that in the pieces we buy.

It makes sense that our mood plays a role in the way others perceive us. Our demeanor, tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language all play a key role in the way that we communicate nonverbally. What if the clothes we wear are speaking volumes too? It can go both ways. If we’re wearing sweats and flip-flops, but our mood and demeanor is screaming “Bad Bitch,” that is the vibe that others will receive from us. If we’re feeling shut down, overwhelmed, and insecure, it won’t matter if we’re wearing a tailored, couture sequined gown, the energy being given will most definitely dampen the vibe.

“Identity is a key component to fashion,” Sandra stated in the interview. Identity is a key component to life. It is the gate from which I exit every single day. Whether I hold my head up or hang it low determines what flows to me and from me. Let’s talk about Ayesha Curry for a minute. Brace yourself, because I might shock you. As beautiful and faith-focused and wealthy and poised (seemingly) and married as she is, I get it. In case you’re late to the story, she admitted on Red Table Talk that she struggles with the belief that men don’t want her. They aint tryna holla, they’re not sliding in the DMs, cat-calling, coming incorrect or at all.

Listen to me when I say that I was a much, much poorer version of her. I don’t know what happens in their household, so I can’t speak on what validation she is or isn’t receiving in her marriage. What I DO know, is that people thought my life was perfect. Women looked to ME for relationship and marriage advice. They had no idea that my identity was wrapped in a false reality. Their validation of a falsehood kept me stuck. LADIES. When you base your identity in anything that is not authentically you, you rise and fall on other’s opinions. So let me bring this full circle. Before you get dressed or buy an outfit, dress your soul in truth. Stand firm in who you are, who you were created to be. Then slip into that outfit like the goddess that you are and SLAY. THAT. SHIT.